Phase Two B: Closer to God

This is the fourth installment of a series called “Twelve Steps to a Spiritual Awakening”. It is meant to detail the process that millions have used to overcome addiction by coming to a personal relationship with a Higher Power. I believe that this process can work for anyone who has the willingness to walk the Steps, including non-addicts. If you suffer from an addiction, I encourage you to seek out the appropriate fellowship.

Step Five, admitting to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. On my first Step Five I was pretty hung up on the “to another human being” aspect. But there are many layers to this Step that can be overlooked.

Of course there were things I didn't want to fully admit to myself, I just wanted to glimpse them and then bury them back where they belonged. Having to air my dirty laundry to another person forced me to come to grips with those things within myself. As such, the week between my forth Step and the fifth was the toughest mentally.

I sat down with my sponsor, overcame the initial gut wrench, and spilled it out. Once I opened my mouth my past misdeeds spilled out in a torrent, and my sponsor shared some of the things from his Step Four. As I was leaving his apartment, still in a little shock, I noticed almost immediately that I felt physically lighter, as if I were floating. The blockages in my energy field (at least some of them) had been removed, I was vibrating at a more rapid rate. I had been “quickened”.

But we also have to take the last six words of this Step into account, “the exact nature of our wrongs”. This is why a proper Step Four is important. I had to come to an understanding of why I did the things that separate me from God's perfection. I had to trace them to the fear at their core, so that as I move forward in my journey I can shine the light on them and choose not to react from my fear but respond from inner guidance.

In the book “Alcoholics Anonymous”, commonly referred to as the big book, instructions are given for choosing the proper person to whom to admit the nature of our wrongs. This is an important aspect. Those in a 12 Step program have a built-in answer to this question, a sponsor who has been through the Steps themselves and admitted their wrongs to another human being. If you are in search of such a program, and are not an addict, I would suggest the co-dependents anonymous fellowship. In my opinion, virtually everyone qualifies for membership.

The criteria for the person to choose for this part of the Step are trust and understanding. Some suggestions in the book are a doctor or psychologist or a close-mouthed friend. A clergy member would also be a good choice. Again, trust and understanding are key. There should be no judgement involved by ourselves or others. We are cleaning house.

And now to address the “to God” aspect of this Step. It seemed to me that as I was pulling the things out which I had buried, as i cleared out my psyche, that I was getting closer to God. I asked God to reveal to me the things which I needed to list on my Step Four, so perhaps admitting them to myself was admitting them to God. I will leave that one to the theologians.

In the big book, it says that it was after this Step that the group of helpless drunks felt that their drink problem had been removed, and that they were “walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe”. Talk about Power.